Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Low-c effect (in the spirit of crashing markets!)

For those who know me, you may be aware of something I like to call "The Low-c effect". ("Low-c" is how you pronounce my last name "Loase", I'm not being a tool). After 2.9 years of research (working at big corporations), I have come to the conclusion that there is a direct correlation between the stock price dropping and my employment.

Exhibit A:
I worked at Websense from December '05 to July '07 (do you also count months on your fingers?). Check out this bad boy:



Whaaammm! 36 percent loss! The LCE has just begun it's path of destruction. Still not sold on my method? It's gets even hairier:

Exhibit B:
I work(ed) at American Capital from August '07 to November '08 (today)



Whaaapppp! 62% loss! Oh you financial wizards with your "numbers" and "facts". Put those Quarterly Reports down Mr. Buffet, here's the real secret to playing the stock market:

#1 Find out where I'm working
#2 BET AGAINST IT! I think it's called short-selling or something but whatev, I don't work for NASA.
#3 Build a bed made out of cash (you probably won't make enough to buy a Sleep Number)

Low-c Effect = Proven.

Based on the LCE trend I have predicted the stock trend of my next employer:



Anyone hiring? No seriously, layoffs are coming.

3 comments:

Michelle said...

you're probably too expensive to hire. lol

El Di Pablo said...

That is friggin' hilarious! Yet so sad.

My company just went through its third round of layoffs too. Luckily I survived.

Welcome to the blogosphere!

-Paul
Bauer-Power

Carl M said...

Hey Low 'C' best go back to school possibly grad school cause I think you got your under grad , pull some fine schoolastic grants try UCSD my school, do it in international business or something and ride out this bad bad recession... or drive limos, the big wigs still need rides to the conventions. Peace out to you and kentaro!

check out my new project "Eclipse 79"!

Carl M.